Sleep

What is it that makes a person stay up at night. Every morning when I wake I swear to myself that I will go to bed at a reasonable hour that night, yet when my “reasonable hour” comes I feel completely unwilling to call it a day and take my rest. At this point I am even aware that I will pay for it the next morning. I even sometimes feel really tired and know I should be in bed… but even so I fail myself miserably… and every morning I curse myself for a fool.

The justifications for staying up change from day to day. Either I am in the middle of something and want to finish it – or - I just need a little more time for me without the kids awake - or my youngest daughter is still awake and I don’t want to become frustrated with her - or I have to do some task before bed (that I don’t want to do) and I am procrastinating that task and also my bed time.

If I sleep in until noon I feel like I have lost half my day and I actually mourn the loss of that time, so it would stand to reason that by sleeping before midnight I feel that I have lost part of my day that way as well. Could it be the lifelong dilemma: “quality or quantity”? If that is the case then I suppose that thus far I have chosen quantity over quality.

Procrastination seems to be my biggest weakness, so perhaps that is at the root of this problem as well. The “tomorrow is another day, and I want to get what I can out of this moment” mentality is dominant in my personality. This may explain why I have a hard time quitting my day. The feeling that tomorrow never comes is why I had to cram so hard in University. I do so many things at the 11th hour that I really want to slap myself silly at times.

Whatever the reason; please be aware that I will be going to bed early tonight… I think.